Relationships change over time. Life and its demands influence our perspective and as such our goals and interests become modified as family, career path, and new aspirations start to affect our priorities. Some couples may adapt and grow together. They may share and evolve as a unit, supporting and sustaining each other.
In other instances a couple may gradually realise that they married too young and have gradually grown apart, or start to feel that they never really knew each other when they agreed to marry. Other people marry, hoping that the initial passion and intensity of their emotions, their sexual chemistry and attraction will be enough to keep their relationship alive. But often that abates over time as life and its demands increase and become more stressful.
Let’s look at the top reasons couples choose to get a divorce:
– Poor communications are an important factor in the breakdown of a marriage. When a couple don’t talk openly and honestly to each other they lose their close connection. Their understanding of each other’s interests, issues and concerns starts to wane. This can result in them becoming increasingly absorbed and preoccupied with their own issues and irritated, disinterested or disrespectful about their spouse’s life.
Relationship counselling can play an important role in re-establishing better communications, mutual interest and respect. Taking the initiative and committing to relationship counselling demonstrates a desire to get the relationship back on track. Maintaining the momentum with regular sessions helps to avoid settling back into old habit patterns, tracks progress and provides ongoing support.
Sometimes though it can become apparent, even with relationship counselling, that the marriage has broken down and is irretrievable. Appreciation of that fact is painful but sometimes has to be accepted as inevitable. Being respectful of each other’s needs at this time can enable the marriage to end with dignity and sensitivity.
– Lack of understanding of each other’s opinions, perspectives, priorities is a major factor. The relationship may have begun with two dynamic, enthusiastic career people, intent on achieving success and status, who wanted to visit many places and see everything the world had to offer. Over time mortgages, children, responsibilities may well have changed each person’s role and priorities. Listening to each other, respecting individual needs, issues and concerns is an important way of keeping a relationship alive. Even if we don’t agree or fully understand each other’s point of view continuing to make an effort to appreciate what and why they feel that way is important.
– Growing apart can happen over time. Having different interests can bring fresh energy into a relationship, provide diverse topics for discussion and maintain each person’s individuality. Interesting debate can add a spark to a relationship but if it becomes more personal, bringing irritation, frustration and annoyance into the relationship it may then need to be acknowledged that incompatibility has occurred. If a couple begin to feel and think differently about their original goals, aspirations, and fundamental core values they can lose sight of their common bond. Their worlds may start to move in opposite directions. Meeting someone else may occur at this point, or a realisation that things cannot continue as they are.
Some people say that divorce has become too easy to initiate. Many divorcing couples say that easy is the last word they would use to describe their misery, distress and sense of failure. Many divorcing couples try many times to mend their relationship before they come to accept that divorce is the only real solution to their difficulties. Sometimes it has to be accepted that too much hurt and pain has been experienced for the relationship to ever get back on track.